Heaven's Dress Code

Lynn was a free spirit who hated wearing clothes. Read what happened when she died and stood face to face with God in her birthday suit.

by Lynn W.L.

I'm a free spirit who hates wearing clothes. While they can look nice, I feel clothes are too restrictive. So whenever I'm home alone I take all my clothes off and enjoy complete freedom.

One day I came home from school and found no one at home. Cool, I thought as I slipped off my flip flops and took off my t-shirt and shorts. I wasn't wearing bra or panties, so it was quick.

I felt hungry as I always do after the grueling math class. So I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. I was glad to see a bowl of leftover chicken soup. I took it out and placed it in the microwave. Unbeknownst to me, the microwave was malfunctioning. I got electrocuted as I pressed the Start button and was knocked down to the floor.

Next thing I found myself walking among the clouds. Where the fuck am I? I looked around and saw what looked like the pearly gates to my right, and far to my left I saw flames. Shit, did I just die and I'm about to be judged whether I'll go to Heaven or Hell?

I really don't think they're gonna let me in Heaven in the buff like this. Well, who knows, though. God is gracious, right? So He just might forgive me and let me in. All these thoughts were racing through my mind as I walked towards the pearly gates.

There was an old man with gray hair and beard sitting in front of the gate. I thought I should try to cover my private parts. But I had 3 things to cover, and only 2 hands. What now? I finally said, "fuck it" and walked towards the man.

He looked at me scornfully. "How dare you come before me with no clothes on!" he barked.

"Oh, uh...I'm so sorry, sir, I wasn't expecting to be here..." I said nervously.

"That's why you always have to be prepared as you never know when your gonna die! Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"Well, this is the pearly gates, right? So you must be St. Peter?" I replied timidly.

"Normally he would be sitting here, yes! But I occasionally give him a break and take his place myself. I'm God the Father! What's you're name, child?"

"Oh, wow! Uh...my name is Lynn. Again, I'm so sorry, God. I'm totally caught by surprise." I suddenly had a bright thought and continued, "But...you see God, I'm in my most natural state, the state I was in when you sent me to Earth. So...why won't you let me into Heaven the same way?"

"Hmmm..." God stroke his beard. "You've got a good point there, Lynn. But we have a dress code here in Heaven, and I can't make any exceptions. Besides, based on your beliefs - you doubt I even exist, and you're sinful life on Earth your not worthy to enter Heaven. But I tell you what. Your still very young, so I'm willing to let you go back to Earth and give you another chance. Be a good girl and always dress appropriately, and one day when you come back here I may let you in."

"Oh wow, thank you so much, God! You really are gracious like they say!"

"Go now!" said God raising his hands.

I opened my eyes and found myself laying in the kitchen floor completely naked. WTF? Was I so tired that I fell asleep on the floor while waiting for my soup to heat up, and had the weirdest dream? I got up and giggled to myself thinking how ridiculous the whole thing was.

I walked to the microwave and opened the door. The soup was still cold! WTF? Then I saw it. The Start button was burned. So it wasn't a dream. I did get electrocuted and died, and met God. Hmm...not sure about that part. Was that really him? The encounter wasn't all that impressive. Anyway, there's a dress code in Heaven, and he told me to always be prepared. So am I gonna put clothes on now just in case?

Fuck, no! After all, I'm back alive because I was naked, and I'm not ready to go to Heaven just yet. As for being a good girl, that doesn't sound like fun. I'll have to think about it. I wonder, though...is there a dress code in Hell?

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